OMG :O

-What does a sardine say when it finds a submarine?
A can of people!

-Why is the sea blue?
Because the fishes say "Blue blue...".

-A man enters  his house and says to his wife "Honey! I have  good and  bad news...
The good news is that I left  drugs... The good one is, I don't know where!

-What's the difference between falling from the 1st floor, and the 10th?
-From the 10th: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! *PUM*"
From the 1st: "*PUM* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

-The teacher of the 1st class tells  his brilliant students to talk about the following themes, and that the one who finished first would go home. The themes were...
1-Monarchy
2-Sex
3-Religion
4-Mystery
After a second, Tiny John (or Joãozinho if you prefer...) calls the teacher and says he's done the work.
The teacher without believing him orders him to read.
"They went to the ass of the Queen! Oh my God! Who has done it?!".

-A blind man enters a store and begins to throw everything to the ground.
The manager says to the blind "Do you need help?"
Blind guy: "No, no! I'm just watching..."

-What does an assasin do when he has nothing to do?
Kills time...

-A women enters a clothes store and asks "Do you sell clothes for night?"
The manager: "No, at night we're closed."

-Two peanuts are walking at a grassy plain, full of cows.
One says to the other "I think we're on the wrong joke..."

-Why has the mathematic book died?
He had a lot of problems...

-Two litters of milk were walking on a street and a car roadkilled them.
One died, the other one not.
Why not? Because that one was "Longa Vida".

José Diogo

All different, all the same

"Crash"

"Crash" is a movie that brings out  racial stereotypes. The movie is set in Los Angeles, a city with a cultural mix of every nationality.
The story begins when several people are involved in a multi-car accident. From that point, we are taken back to the day before the crash, seeing the lives of several characters, and the problems each encounters during that day. A cop (Matt Dillon) is trying to get medical help for his father, but he is having problems with a black woman  who won't give his father permission to see another doctor. He in turn takes out his frustration on a black couple during a traffic stop. A socialite (Sandra Bullock) and District Attorney (Brandon Fraser) are carjacked at gunpoint by two black teenagers. Sandra takes out her anger on a Mexican locksmith who is changing the door locks to their home. Later that night, the locksmith is again robbed of his dignity by a Persian store-owner. Many of the characters switch from being bad-person-to-hero in ways that may surprise you.
We can see a "crash" between the many characters and we can realise that our society needs to do a check-up to our way of seeing people no matter what their colour, origins, religion, etc.
Enjoy :)

Daniel Amaral [one of a two men team]

Let's Laugh :)

 “God and the man”

A man visits God and says “God, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

God says “No, ask me anything at all.”

So the man says “God, you’ve been around for a very long time, so, for you, how long is a thousand years?”

God replies “For me, a thousand years is only five minutes.”

The man then says “That’s interesting God. And, for you, how much is a million dollars?”

God replies “For me, a million dollars is only five cents.”

The man says “Really? Well then God, could you lend me five cents please?”

God looks at the man, smiles, and says “Of course my son. Just wait five minutes!”

“Genie Joke”

A woman is walking along a beach when she finds an old oil lamp.

She picks it up and rubs it, and out comes a genie.

The genie says to the woman, “Thank you for freeing me from the oil lamp. I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for, your horrible ex-husband will get twice as much. What is your first wish?”

The woman says, “I’d like a million dollars in my bank account, please!”

The genie says, “You now have a million dollars in your bank account, and your ex-husband now has two million dollars. What is your second wish?”

The woman says, “ I’ve always wanted a nice car. I’d like a brand new Rolls-Royce, please!”

The genie says, “ you now have a new Rolls-Royce in your garage at home, and your ex-husband now has two new Rolls-Royces. What is your third wish?

The woman thought for a while and then said, “I’d like you to remove one of my kidneys, please!”

João Saramago ( Who else ? )

...

Don't turn this in your life's slogan. Think about it.

Daniel Amaral [once again -.-']

Out here in the fields
I fight for my meals
I get my back into my living
I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven

Don't cry
Don't raise your eye
It's only teenage wasteland

Sally ,take my hand
Travel south crossland
Put out the fire
Don't look past my shoulder
The exodus is here
The happy ones are near
Let's get together
Before we get much older

Teenage wasteland
It's only teenage wasteland
Teenage wasteland
Oh, oh
Teenage wasteland
They're all wasted!
____________________________________________________________

Unfortunately, It's OUR reality :(

Daniel Amaral